Judith needs a seltzer

24 Aug

Titian (Tiziano Vecellio), “Judith and the head of Holofernes,” Oil on canvas, 96.7 x 72 cm,                     The Courtauld Gallery, London, England, UK

Maid:     M’lady, are you unwell?

Judith:    Oh my, yes.  I’m suddenly very uncomfortable.

Maid:      Was it something you ate?

Judith:    Let me think.  There was dates and figs and olives and yogurt and cheese and beans and lentils and lamb and goat and ox and pheasant and turkey and suet.  No, there isn’t anything that should have caused a problem.

Maid:     Something you drank?

Judith:    Ummm, we started with fermented cactus shots and moved to beer before we switched to wine.  We pulled out the honey mead before we ended with the coffee liqueur.  No, nothing I drank was a problem.

Maid:      The hookah?

Judith:    Oh, that was only a couple of hours.

Maid:      The dancing?

Judith:    Just the Whirling Dervish.   But then I stopped and belly danced.

Maid:      Do you think the decapitation had any ill effect?

Judith:   Nah, nah.   What’s a little blood and guts?   Although the screaming was a somewhat disturbing.

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Posted by on August 24, 2012 in Distracted


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