(explaining this could take a while. get comfy. )
First, Dorian X is a pen name for an artist from Milan – who is addicted to the limitless pleasure of unconventional and irreverent images. His objective is “to reveal the decadence of the contemporary society making complex, vibrant and extremely colorful paintings which make him to be like a modern Jeronimus Bosch.” (1) His art also reflects a passion for classical subjects, both mythical and Apocalyptic.
(stay with me here.)
One of Dorian X’s favorite subjects is Kali Yuga (“age of Kali”, or “age of vice”) – the last of the world’s four yugas described in Hindu scriptures. This age is associated with the demon Kali, which represents “strife, discord, quarrel, or contention.” There is a lot more scary, decadent stuff I could recite but just believe me when I say: this Kali Yuga is nasty stuff.
Starting with the first of two paintings, Dorian portrays Judith as a Bleeding Heart Liberal Saint, enslaved to the Dove of Peace. She probably has an Obama-Biden bumper sticker on her SmartCar. Clever girl: this time she wore red shoes.
Apparently, Judith shared some wine and cucumbers with Holofernes while he showed her around his bachelor pad – especially proud of the Clamshell chair with the Rolling Stones motif. He may have had a notion about handcuffing Judith for a three- or foursome, but she called in the Maid (who is actually a Lion) and scared the other participants under the furniture. In fact, I am guessing the two uniformed guards in the window were dropping by for a peek at the provocative proceedings – but decided to quietly retreat before Judith notices their presence. With the help of the Maid, Judith now has Holofernes where she wants him – holding the hilt of the sword over his genitals to convey the irony that she is using a phallic symbol to spill his blood versus the other way around.
Much like an episode of Jersey Shore.
(you will probably need a pillow while i explain the next one. maybe a eyeshade.)
Once again, Judith is a Saint accompanied by the Dove of Peace. However, the rest of the scene has changed – multiplied, in fact. Gone are the people hiding around the room, and in their places are:
- A manservant carrying a tray with a blue curved phallus. Does this belong to Krishna? A prosthetic for Holofernes? Or is it a bong – which could also belong to Krishna. But it seems to be a little late for Holofernes to get high.
- A smiling mermaid with two symbols: a burning heart in her left hand and a cocktail in her right hand. A giant pink cocktail that looks like a vulva (not a volvo) and has a tiki umbrella with a cherry on top. Obviously the burning heart is a sign of indigestion but the cocktail is more complicated. It could be a symbol of a Polynesian luau – or just an indication that Holofernes was thirsty and the mermaid is playing “nanny nanny boo boo” to be aggravating. Or as The Church Lady would say: could it be s-e-x?
- An unidentified body in the Clamshell chair, which is now looking more like Audrey Jr. from Little Shop of Horrors. “Feed me, Seymour!”
- A serpentine cleric who is gleefully planning to emasculate Holofernes – but who is unaware he is to be dinner for a stork. I will assume some animosity towards the clergy at this point.
- A hallway filled with nuns who apparently are having their chastity belts removed – unless they are having the belts put on instead. I don’t know what they plan to do without the belts anyway, except make less noise on the toilet seat.
- And last but not least, the Maid has changed from a Lion to a figure in a Blue Burka. Unless it is still the Lion disguised by the Blue Burka. Either way, it’s a lovely shade of blue – maybe Mother Mary, maybe Krishna again, or maybe an Afghan chadri. And she is one tall wench!
Or this could be the next episode of Snooki & JWoww.
(1) Sexy Art Gallery: Dorian X
POST SCRIPT: Just wanted to note how quickly pop-culture references become obsolete. What does New Jersey have to do with anything and who is Snooki?